What I Love About My Allergies

I never had allergies growing up. Even the first few years after we moved to Poland I didn't, but about 3 or 4 years ago I started being exceptionally sneezy and sniffy during certain times of the year, and after the first year or two, I realized maybe it was something. It was! The doctor called it "allergies".

I know most people who have them don't like allergies. Some people really actually hate them. I, on the other hand, hate them too. But instead of spending any more time wishing someone would put me out of my misery, I decided to compile a list of things I like about my allergies. Here it is:

• I am finally able to impress highly educated professionals (How long have I been striving for that!). Nurses looking at the various bumps from the prick test on my arm: "Oh! That's about as big a reaction as I've ever seen!" or "Wow! You're allergic to EVERYthing!"
• My dream of having an inhaler has come true. In elementary school I was always jealous of the kids who had those cool inhalers. Mine isn't as cool, since it's just a regular medicine inhaler and I only use it morning and night, and not off and on throughout the day when other kids are watching, but still.
• I have an excuse whenever I don't want to do some outside activity.
• I now see a bright side to having a regular cold. I know that it is not an everlasting plague and I'll be back to normal in about a week. How nice is that?
  
• Having tissues covering the floors in our house is less of an annoyance and more of a convenience. When I feel I need one (about every three minutes), it's just: stoop, grab the nearest one and check for signs it has been used to wipe all over the floor. If no such signs are present, just blow the nose and throw away. No need to even walk to a box of tissues!
• It is impossible to forget to take my nightly Zyrtec. My allergies alert me that it is time for the next dose by sending six warning sneezes, or six tissues worth of "snuff," as David calls it.
  
• If I decided to, I know I could be in The Dumbest, I mean, The Guinness Book of World Records for the longest time spent in pre-sneeze mode. Or possibly for the sneeze that brings the least satisfaction/relief. I should really look this up and compare my records with the existing ones in the book, as I'm sure there are already records listed in such a category.

And now you know why I just looooove my allergies. Some people choose to complain. I, however, prefer to look for the positive (stop laughing, Greg--and anyone else who knows me at all).